Using Your Special Gifts with Your Unique Quirks

"Mom, look what I can do!" my 7 yr old exclaimed as she sniffed hard, pulling both of her nostrils closed.
"Wow, impressive!" I responded enthusiastically, as any mom would.
"It's my special gift from God," she told me.

We all have special gifts. God gives each of us gifts according to his purpose. But we also have quirks. We can mistake our quirks for gifts.  (Watch any episode of America's Got Talent, and you will see examples of this.)  But sometimes we can combine our quirks with our gifts, to create our own unique ministry.

I believe that my writing is a gift. I also have the uncanny ability to remember song lyrics. This leads me to break out into song in almost every conversation, because a single word or phrase can bring an entire song to mind.

I used this "quirk" with my gift of writing, to create Musical Mondays here on the blog. I combined my quirk with my gift and incorporated it into my blog. While it may have seemed clever at the time (okay, I still think it was clever!) it never grew into what I expected, which was a devotional book based on the premise.  But it did create my own unique devotional style.

You are unique too!  God made you special with gifts to use for his glory, and quirks that make you you! It's our job to figure out our gifts and use them for God's design. And if you're a little quirky too, just go for it. It's what puts that unique spin on your gift.

Finally, don't compare your gifts with others!  In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul spells out how we are all uniquely gifted, like different parts of a body. Foot, ear, eye...all are needed for a unique purpose! None are better than the others. So then are our unique gifts.

Use your gifts, embrace your quirks, and don't compare! After all, we can't all sniff hard enough to close our nose! But we can all use our gifts (and quirks!) to glorify God.

What are you gifts? What are you quirks? How can you combine them to create your own unique ministry?

When Grace (seems to) Let Us Down

Giving the gift of grace doesn't guarantee a happy ending. Oh that it would! I remember when my daughter was in 1st grade. She and another young girl were sharing a computer when my daughter accidentally elbowed the other little girl.  "I am so sorry," my daughter exclaimed, "Would you forgive me?" The other little girl, angry, said, "No!" My daughter was devastated.

Just because we do the right thing, doesn't mean we get the right ending. Such is life. In our relationships, we can give and give and give, and still, sometimes not win over the other person. That's not to say we shouldn't try. We should love as Jesus loved. We should give grace. But we shouldn't become doormats or co-dependent.  Sometimes the most graceful thing to do is to walk away from a relationship. To continue to "love" and "give grace" from afar.

In Acts 15, the Apostle Paul and his ministry partner Barnabas have a disagreement. Neither is willing to relent, and so they go their separate ways. Both men of God, both spreading the Word of God. Yet, not together. Still, Paul speaks with esteem and affection about Barnabas in the epistles written after the event.  He gives grace to Barnabas, even while choosing not to continue in ministry with him.

Outside of heaven, will we not have perfect relationships. We are not perfect people, and even if we are, we are around other non-perfect people. The only grace that never fails is God's. His grace saves, and never lets us down. We can show love and grace to others, but we must show ourselves that same love and grace. And that means sometimes choosing to walk away.

The Gift of Grace, part 2

On Friday, we discussed giving the gift of grace to strangers we "meet" in the media. Today, we focus on giving grace to those we know personally.

Another cancellation? It was almost laughable. One of my best friends and I have weekly lunch dates, every Friday. In December with school parties and the 2 weeks of Christmas break, we hadn't had a chance to see each other.

Then came January. She went out of town for a long weekend. I had to cancel when an appointment was unexpectedly rescheduled. Then she had a sick child. We had good spirits about the whole thing, laughing as the next cancellation came, more expected now than not.  Neither of us ever considered that the other had any motive other than to get together, but life happens.

This is a sharp contract to another friendship I had several years back. Again, in December, I knew my schedule would busy, so I emailed the friend to explain to her I wouldn't be able to get together much that month. Imagine my shock when I received a response saying, "If you want to end the friendship just say so, don't make excuses." Of course I emailed back apologizing! However, soon after came another email and another, every time assuming the worst about me or my intentions.

My "friend" had experienced a childhood filled with rejection. And so in adulthood, she expected it.  And she expected it so strongly that she went looking for it, and accusing of it at every turn. Not surprisingly she often found rejection because of her actions. Those actions, the coping mechanisms that protected her in a sad childhood, hindered her in her adult life.

I tried extending grace to her in spite of her actions and accusations, but she couldn't extend any grace my way, sure that every action had an ulterior motive. Finally I realized that perhaps the most graceful thing to do was to exit the relationship. (On Wednesday we'll talk more about what happens when relationships fail in spite of grace.)

But today, I'm glad that my dear friend who I missed seeing all of December, and most of January this year, believes the best about me. She gives me the gift of grace, as I do her. We may let each other down at times, because we are human. But because we extend grace, there is always forgiveness.

Are you extending grace in your relationships?

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8

Giving the Gift of Grace

Last Friday I spent the day moderating comments on my guest post at Michael Hyatt's blog, and it was a great day. Comments poured in, not only on his blog, but on mine, as well as on Twitter and Facebook. Nearly all the comments were positive, except one.  One woman expressed her disappointment on my Facebook page,  "I do have to say tho (sic), that I am a little disappointed that you described yourself as a writer, speaker and then a mom and wife. I think the latter two are more impressive and exciting."

In the past, when I allowed my sense of worth to come from other people's opinions, this one comment would have crushed me. But now, I was able to gently respond to her and let it go, for one simple reason.  She doesn't even know me.

She doesn't know that my husband and I worked together creating my Disqus bio tag line, "Christian: Writer, Speaker, Wife, Mom, Leader."  She doesn't know that I've been married 15 years and this past year of marriage has been our best ever. She doesn't know from the time I was a little girl all I ever wanted to be is a mom. She doesn't know the years that I battled infertility, the pain, the disappointment and the financial cost. And she doesn't know that I have been a stay home mom for 12 years, every moment precious to me. Yet, she felt entitled to inform me of her disappointment in the order that I placed 5 descriptive words (in no particular order) about myself.

I have noticed this sad trend on the way we judge each other in the media. Last June, my sister experienced the tragedy of the accidental death of an infant in her home. Devastation does not come close to describing what she went through. Yet people felt free to put heinous comments about her family in the comments section on media reports.

A local boy in my community was paralyzed by striking his head on a rock as he dove into the river. Someone commented on the media news page he must have been drunk to do something so stupid. His life is changed forever, and that comment (a lie) is just another crushing blow.

Just read any news story that allows comments and you will be disgusted by the sometimes vicious, and always judgmental, way people attack those already down. Why do we do that? What do we judge other's situations so harshly? Why don't we show grace, especially when we have no first hand knowledge?

The Bible is clear that the measure by which we judge is the measure we will be judged by. Judge not, lest you be judged. This isn't an excuse to ignore the sins of others.  We are to speak to our friends, in private. We are to speak the truth, in love.

The comments I've been reading lately in the media are not spoken in love, but in hatred. This practice has become so common place that the word "Haters" has been coined to describe people who do it.

I don't know the solution. But I do know, that my new goal is to assume the best about people, giving them the gift of Grace, with the help of God. No one is perfect. Especially me.

Have you ever judged someone harshly, or left a negative comment?  How do you feel about that now?

A Life Without Blinders

I rushed to the checkout counter at the department store. I had just enough time to ring up my purchases and pick up my daughter from school on time. Thankfully, there was only one young man ahead of me.  He chatted away to the check out clerk.  Obviously, he was not running late like I was. I became more anxious as he took his time.

I checked my watch again as they worked through his transaction. He began to count out his money. My annoyance rose. If he didn't hurry up, I was going to have to leave my purchase. He came up short with his money. "Good grief," I thought, "Just hurry up!"  He left his purchases on the counter. Relieved, I checked out and jumped in the car to pick up my daughter.

On the drive, I reflected on the situation.  I'd missed an opportunity, because I'd had blinders on.  I don't remember how much money he was short on his purchase, but I could have given him the dollar or two he needed.  I remembered what he had been saying. "A new shirt for my new job."  He was excited. I'd missed an opportunity to show a random act of kindness; to show him the love of Jesus.

Now, I strive to live a life without blinders on. Here are some tips that help me.

1. Slow down. I was a big hurry.  That was my first mistake. I didn't plan my own time better, so suddenly my running late was his fault. If I hadn't been in a hurry, I would have been relaxed and able to engage in what he was saying in the moment, rather than in hindsight.

2. Don't focus on yourself. It was all about me that day. When I was so focused on myself, I couldn't see the young man. In hindsight I realized how proud and excited he was about his new job. It was probably his first job. I missed the chance to share in, and increase his joy, because I couldn't take my eyes off myself.

3. Be intentional. We have opportunities to help those around us every day if we just take our blinders off.  Now I am more intentional about looking and seeing those around me.

4. Pray. Yes, pray, and ask God to open your eyes. God places people in our path that need to see his light, and we have the chance to reflect it. Be the light.

I am sorry for my actions that day at the store. I am thankful that God is never too busy to see me, and for his amazing grace when I blow it. Those blinders made me blind...but now I see.

For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them. But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.  Matthew 13:15,16

Are you intentionally seeking opportunities to shine God's light or participate in random acts of kindness?

Why Who You Associate With Matters

Are you concerned with the lifestyles of those around you? You should be. Whether or not you admit it, the actions of those you surround yourself with influence your life.

As a Christian married mom, I surround myself with like minded friends to hold me accountable in my thoughts and actions. But what about in the workplace? Think this doesn't apply to you?

That's probably what Joe Paterno thought.  A Penn State football coach for 46 years, he holds the record for the most football victories by an NCAA Division I football bowl subdivision. Yet, his legacy is tarnished by his association with the Jerry Sandusky scandal. And sadly, as his Sunday death is mourned, that scandal will be continue to be associated with Paterno's name.

That's not to negate the power of your influence. Just as you are impacted by those around you, they are impacted by you as well. There is real power in influence. That is why your main associates should be with those you respect and admire. Then make time for those that you choose to mentor as well.

My mom used to say, "Birds of a feather flock together."  Who we surround ourselves with is critically important to who we are, who we become, and the legacy we will leave behind.

When I {God} say to a wicked person, "You will surely die," and you do not warn them or speak out to dissuade them from their evil ways in order to save their life, that wicked person will die for their sin, and I will hold you accountable for their blood. But if you do warn the wicked person and they do not turn from their wickedness or from their evil ways, they will die for their sin; but you will have saved yourself.

Again, when a righteous person turns from their righteousness and does evil, and I put a stumbling block before them, they will die. Since you did not warn them, they will die for their sin. The righteous things that person did will not be remembered, and I will hold you accountable for their blood.  But if you do warn the righteous person not to sin and they do not sin, they will surely live because they took warning, and you will have saved yourself.  
Ezekiel 3:18-21

Are YOU What is Holding You Back?

Welcome! If you are visiting from Michael Hyatt's blog today, Thank You! I hope you will consider subscribing to my blog, or coming back to visit on a regular basis.  

When I read that Michael Hyatt accepted guest posts on his blog, I thought, "Maybe I should submit something." Almost immediately however, came the next thought, "Why would he publish anything written by you?" However, I've come to recognize that second voice for the liar that it is.

Over the past year, I've come to realize that the main thing holding me back was me.  I've come to recognize the voices in my head, and identify them for who or what they are. No, I'm not schizophrenic. I'm talking about the running dialog in my head.  Maybe you have it too. Learning to recognize the voices can help you stop holding yourself back.

1. The Voice of Lies. Whether you call it an overactive conscience, the pessimist in you, or even the devil, the liar is always there to tell you that you can't, you'll fail, and you're not good enough. I've learned that if I respond to the liar with reality, the lies go away. This takes a lot of practice, especially if you've been listening to the lies for a long period of time.

2. The Voice of Reality.  When the Liar said, "Why would Michael Hyatt publish you?" The Voice of Reality could honestly respond, "I'm a regular reader of his blog, I think I understand what he's looking for, and because he is the father of 5 daughters I believe he will appreciate my viewpoint from the home front."  The Voice of Reality even whispered, with more hope than reality, "You are a good writer." The Voice of Reality is you, the real you who understands your capabilities. It honestly states your abilities with neither ego nor self deprecation.

3. The Voice of Truth. Whether you call this one your intuition, or (as I believe) the Holy Spirit, the Voice of Truth is different than the Voice of Reality.  Reality is from our own perspective, while Truth is bigger than reality. Max Lucado illustrates this point in his story of The Woodcutter's Wisdom. We can't always recognize the bigger picture. But the Voice of Truth directs us. When the Voice of Truth warns us not to do something, it is not because we are not worthy. It is often because what we are doing is not worthy of us. The Voice of Truth spurs us on in wisdom.

What are you stopping yourself from doing by believing the Voice of Lies? What does Reality say? What does Truth say? Keep taking your leaps of faith. Eventually you'll stick the landing.

What steps will you take to stop negative self talk from holding you back?