On Wednesday I blogged about my favorite radio pastor, Bob Coy. I should have also posted a disclaimer. See Bob is a sinner, saved by grace. His stories are often of racy topics of his life in Las Vegas. He worked in the casinos, and also sold and used drugs. In one of his sermons he shares how after he first became a Christian he quit using drugs, but still sold. He thought this was okay, because he was tithing on the income. I love this story! He truly was drinking spiritual milk. He was a new believer, following God and tithing...on his drug money! He had not yet experienced the spiritual "solid food," but God met Bob right where he was, and now he is a pastor.
See, I too am a sinner saved by grace. My blog focuses on the saved by grace part, but doesn't mention the sinner part too often. Like Bob Coy, I have a history. I never lived in Vegas or sold drugs, yet my background isn't just filled with stumbles, but with falls. Being raised in a home by an alcoholic, prescription drug addict mom didn't offer a lot of direction, and I made mistakes and had poor judgement.
Unlike Bob Coy, however, I am not ready to share my testimonies of failure with you. While Jesus has separated my sins as far as the East from the West from me, I still fear rejection because of them. I remember many years ago in a bible study group I was leading, I shared something (I don't even remember which "testimony" it was!) But afterwards one of the women said to me how surprised she was with what I shared. She said I was "so young and seemed to have it all together," leading a bible study group, walking the walk and talking the talk, that it was surprising to hear that I had feet of clay like everyone else.
I don't remember whether she sounded relieved or disappointed by my "feet of clay," but I do remember that it didn't feel good to be on the receiving end of the comment. I don't want to be judged by my past but by my present. Yet, even Jesus in his own hometown was judged by those who knew him before (even perfect then)..."Isn't he the carpenter's son?" They were incredulous that Joseph's son, who they'd watch grow up in the carpentry shop, now claimed to be the messiah. They knew him "back then." I wonder what those who knew me in my late teens and early 20's would say. "Who does she think she is? Isn't she the one who...?"
So I admire Bob Coy. He is willing to share his past, so that sinners like me know that they too can be saved by grace. And maybe one day I'll be able to share my testimonies. Until then, I know that I have a heavenly father who accepts me, past and all...even when I can't offer myself that same grace.
1 Corinthians 3:1, 2 -- Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly—mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it.
Matthew 13:53-57 -- When Jesus had finished these parables, he moved on from there. Coming to his hometown, he began teaching the people in their synagogue, and they were amazed. "Where did this man get this wisdom and these miraculous powers?" they asked. "Isn't this the carpenter's son? Isn't his mother's name Mary, and aren't his brothers James, Joseph, Simon and Judas? Aren't all his sisters with us? Where then did this man get all these things?" And they took offense at him. But Jesus said to them, "Only in his hometown and in his own house is a prophet without honor."
Romans 5:8 -- But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
28 comments:
We've been to Bob Coy's church down in Ft. Lauderdale. We love his testimony and have it on vhs I believe. It is amazing. I'm with you though, it's hard to lay it all out because you don't want people to judge from which you came but love from where you are.
Great post.
Kim
Ain't it a shame that we must leave out details because most folks in church circles just don't want that "talk" in here?
God has shown me that what I thought was the worst thing I ever did paled in comparison to putting my mouth on ministries. Ummm...that covers everyone inside the church I ever met or heard of. In prayer it came to me that once I was accepted in grace and all my sins were covered in Jesus' blood I had Holy Spirit working in me. The offense in heaven when I speak against anyone in the Body is an offensive sound and odorous stench.
I pray and believe the day is coming when the masks fall, the truth is welcome and the Light shines on us all and we have Soteria: Greek for salvation...wholeness, salvation, nothing missing, nothing broken...utterly what God meant us to be before Adam and Eve disobeyed God.
I'm on a rant...sorry. But our sins are; and we all have them. I know how amazingly God works when we don't hide and keep darkness around our stuff. My challenge is to tell enough to be real and honest without dishonoring the others involved. Don't know answers, but this phoney mess will not stand.
Keep stirring ... you are very good at it. How pleased Father God must be with you.
Signing out...child of alccholic, emotionally challenged parents also.
I "heart" you and your testimonies! Your faith and reliance on God made and still makes me want to dig into God's word and find the gifts and promises God has for all of us. Thank you!
I just typed up a long comment and then my internet connection left me and I lost all of my great wisdom. :o) So since I don't want to write it all again, I will just say...I understand. LOL
There are few things that feel worse than opening your heart to someone, just to have them throw it in your face. I remember the troubles you had when you were having that Bible Study.
Yes, you sinned in your youth. I'm quite sure we all did??? and all do every day!!!
It isn't written anywhere that you need to write out the sins of your youth on your blog....at least I don't think it is....you DO know the Bible better than I do. But if that IS a rule, then I'll need to be signing off.
According to God your sins and my sins are equal. However, according to man, mine were and are worse.
I'm proud of you for even considering sharing them again...especially after that lady's mean comment. I guess she couldn't see you clearly due to the plank in her eye.
Hi Kelly,
I have enjoyed getting caught up on your most recent posts. I especially loved your 'quiet time' tips and this one about Bob Coy. I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about the importance of being transparent and sharing our testimonies. I think by doing so we turn everything Satan meant for bad into good. Thanks for the "heads up" on Bob Coy, I will definitely check him out!!
Have a great weekend....
These are very wise words, my friend! The sad part is that if people would allow us to share (without judging) our testimonies could help so many!
Ok you gave me chills on this one. I am with you. Fortunatly I have told God all about my past (not that he didn't already know what I have done) and I have asked for forgivness. Jesus took the blame for all my sins and I am trying despiratly to live a better life. I too am not ready to confess all my sins to the blog world or even people who know and care for me. Too many people want to be the judge instead of leaving that to God. Great post Kelly. I am really loving your blog.
There are some things I'm not ready to share yet, either. You always have to take into account the feelings of those associated with you when before you share with the world, I think. Especially your children and spouse.
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Hi Kelly!
Thanks for the link to Bob's messages on LightSource.com! I just wanted to let you know that we also stream Bob's messages via audio on OnePlace.com - you can download free MP3 sermons from Bob so that you take them to go :)
Enjoy!
Kristie Rutzel
Salem Web Network Marketing Coordinator
http://oneplace.com/ministries/Active_Word/ - opps forgot the link
Bob Coy, Active Word
I will be checking out Bob Coy. I'm not familiar with him. I find that I only share about the past when led by the Holy Spirit to do so. With His annointing, it's good. Otherwise, it's just painful. Even though I'm forgiven, it's still not a pretty thing. I think the present day church has yet to learn the joy of being vulnerable with one another. It happens in some groups, but it's not the norm. Great conversation here with your readers!
Hi CK,
Great post! A few years ago, I returned to my hometown to lead a ladies' retreat at a church where lots of the older ladies "knew" me. I remember one of them just sat shaking her head through most of my sessions, and saying, "I just can't believe it! I can't believe you are doing this! Who'd have thought. . ." And you know, she wasn't being mean, she was just truly shocked. It had never occurred to her that God would use me in the way that He was. She remembered me as a silly, immature, boy-crazy, sneaky teenager. Because it has been so long since I was a teen, I'm not shocked at all at how far the Lord has brought me! But since it had been a good 20 years since she had seen me, she was!
I was mentoring a baby Christian once who met Paul and his writings long before she learned that Paul had been Saul, "chief among sinners" in his days before Christ. It was funny that it really took her a while to get over that, but it sure gave her a great deal of hope at the same time!
I think the most important thing is to follow God's lead in determining when and with whom you share your stories of testimony. For some people, their testimony becomes their main message. For others, it is something meant to be shared in a one-at-a-time capacity.
God is good, and He always lets us know in His timing!
Take care!
I am new to your blog (no idea how I got here)...crazy...I am so totally struggling with this right now. I CANNOT BE SILENT but I feel like Christians wish I would be.
I love Bob Coy too! and Joe Foscht and Greg Laurie and anyone who will speak openly and honestly about their struggles. Makes me feel less crazy :)
You know, you don't have to share everything....that you can come forward and say, "I made mistakes," putting that in the context you do, those of us who read/visit here get it! We're not all going to be Bob Coy, preaching to folks....
You have qualities that Bob Coy has: genuineness, honesty, a very friendly, casual approach to sharing with people; you aren't threatening or "preachy"; you share the truth and you stand for God's Word; and you admit you're a sinner.
We can't worry about how other people judge us. Folks who don't know what the Bible says about judgment need to watch what they say. Stay near to God....Because, more and more, He's giving you the strength to be strong in the new creation that He has made you, that you only need to draw on your past to minister to those whom He wants you to reach.
You know you are DEARLY Loved my friend. God sees your heart and so do those people He has given to you to walk with on this road.
I have a very hard time being transparent becasue I have been judged harshly thoughout most of my life and even lately with some Christians when I have stepped into transparency, found the sting of judgement.
You are a wonderful, godly bloggy friend and I'm so delighted to know you.
Email me when you get a minute. Love ya!
Oh hey, I forgot to tell you, you got a mention at Joy in The Truth today. http://joyinthetruth.blogspot.com/
Yay for you!
Good day my friend! May you listen only to His voice, and His direction. He will let you know what is meant for others to know and what isn't. He will also make is shine so stinkin bright and bring it all back to Himself to bring Glory to His name...cause He is just so stinkin cool like that!
I love you my friend and you are in the in middle of a beautiful relationship with your Creator...keep going!
Hey Kelly,
I like this post a lot.
I think most of us don't want to share our 'before' look. Some of ours are uglier than others, but that is from our viewpoint. God sees all sin as filthy. White lies are not better to Him. I don't think everybody has to share the details of where and how they got dirty BUT I think we have to surrender our life...all of it. If the Lord calls us to share, we should do it out of obedience to Him. (I so want to delete that sentence I just typed. I will probably be tested on my words. I can only pass that test if God helps me do that.No one raises their hand to do that. It's not fun.) I know you have heard about living for an audience of ONE. Our pride gets in the way of that often. We don't want the judgemental looks, to air our laundry. We know it stinks! Really Bad! Sometimes we are afraid our Christian friends will love us less. We may get treated like the woman with the scarlet letter. I told a pastor once something about the 'old me'. He just shook his head and said "I can't ever imagine you like that." I let him know He could take me off that pedestal quickly. I think Beth Moore shares the grace she has received in a powerful way without giving the details. She says something sort of like this,'you haven't out sinned me! Don't write and tell me you have, because you haven't.' She focuses on the fact that His grace is just a whole lot bigger than our sin. Steven Curtis Chapman's song 'Much of You' says "He is the Saviour, I am the sinner" Maybe we just need to get that on a t shirt! One size would fit all of us!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have been so encouraged by Bob Coy also! God has used him on so many occasions to speak to me in powerful ways.
I am most encouraged by a speaker when they share their own faults and failures. My husband is a Pastor and he does that so often. It inspires others!
Have a wonderful weekend!
Julie
Hey Kelly,
Just wanted to let you know I took your TGIF to heart and the other morning I had to have Joey to his by 5:45am--Monday, for a field trip--I thanked God for having a child who is healthy right now and that I was able to take him and get there and back safely, I prayed that the bus was safe on the highway. Of course than I got an afternoon call that Joey had forgotten his nebulizer and had to be rushed to Charlottesville. One step forward, two steps back.
ET
I appreciate your heart! The Bible tells us how "love covers". So thankful for His grace and mercy!
I appreciate women who are real and are able to share where they've been and what God has done or is doing. It's oxygen and life to the soul!
I heart Bob Coy, too. I heart my pastors, too, who are Calvary Chapel pastors!
ET,
Couldn't let your comment go by without saying that I'm glad Joey is doing well! Praises, indeed--he has come so far.
As for the nebulizer thing, you know, things still happen, even when we're in prayer over them. I'm glad he was able to go somewhere that could take care of his needs. Maybe that seems like a "hole" in the plan, but God was still there taking care of Joey--just not as expected.
Continued prayers for you and yours--when are you going to join the blogosphere?
ET - to follow up on your comment further, you yourself said at pizza that after double time without his meds, and in the mountains to boot, Joey was fine. Could that have been God's providence, answering your prayer, that even without his meds he was okay. And the bus was safe too, right?
God was with Joey, I'm sure. More importantly, he was with you. Baby steps. Keep taking them!
I know
everything y'all said is right. I just feel constantly like I'm being "tried". I do have a sense of humor about most of it but sometimes when you're having a bad day you are just kind of like "really"?? On a positive note, CJ spent 3 days making Joey a Halloween costume that is just great. CJ canceled all his plans with his friends so he could completely Joey's costume on Saturday for a party Joey went to--and I thank God for such an awesome father for my kids!!
ET
Hi Sis..
Wow I can so relate with you on this post. I too was raised by a Mom who went through some struggles and I was affected by it as well. Affected really deeply in ways that also had me making bad choices in life growing up. I have shared some of it as I minister to women, but like you said there is more, and when I am ready I will share. I don't dwell on them, but look back and see how far I have come from that girl I used to be, to the woman I have become who loves the Lord with all her heart, soul, and mind. Thank you for sharing my sistah.
Hugz Lorie
Many of us have an ugly past, you certainly aren't Robinson Crueso (how to you spell it argh!) there. The only judgement you have to fear is the Lords, and he has forgiven you.
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