Mean Mom

I am a mean mom. No doubt about it. I enforce bed times. I make my kids eat what I serve for dinner, even vegetables. My kids have chores, and they don't receive an allowance for them. Just as I make their dinner for "free," the chores they do around the house come from being a member of our family, not as a service for pay.

I am a mean mom. I say "no" when they want to eat too much candy, or see a movie that they think would be fine, but I deem inappropriate. I make them go to church every Sunday, unless they're sick, when sometimes they'd rather sleep in or have a PJ day. I make my oldest practice her piano, and they both have to clean up their rooms.

Oh, I do nice things too. I make them special breakfast in bed sometimes, just because. I might let them stay up late occasionally for a movie night. But those things are quickly forgotten when I do the "mean" things. The truth is, the reason I enforce the "mean" things is not because I am mean, but because I love them and want the best for them.

Sometimes it's hard for us to know what God has in store for our lives. When He tells us no to the things we want, we may not see the bigger picture, we only know that he is being "mean" to us. God may "push" us to do things we don't want to do, and we will have consequences when we disobey. This may lead some to think that God is mean.

The truth is, just as when I'm a "mean mom," when God does something we think is "mean," I'm certain He is doing it because He loves us and wants what is best for us. But because we are children, His children, we can't always see the bigger picture. We just have to trust Him, like I hope my children trust me.

I'm really not mean. And neither is God. We both just love our children too much to leave them as they are. We want to teach them. We want them to grow up and be strong. My children know how much I love them. Just like I know how much God loves us.

My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in. Proverbs 3:11,12

You've Got a Friend

When your down and troubled And you need a helping hand,
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.
You just call out my name, And you know where ever I am
I'll come running, oh yeah baby To see you again.
Winter, spring , summer, or fall,All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got a friend.
You've Got A Friend, James Taylor, 1971

I love this song by James Taylor. Truth is, I could have put the entire song here, and referenced every word as if they were coming from Jesus. He is our friend.

There are so many Christian songs that make this point. What a Friend We Have in Jesus and Redeemer, Savior, Friend are two that readily come to mind.

I love to think of Jesus as a friend. A friend is someone who knows you inside and out, and likes you anyway. I love the lyric in Redeemer, Savior, Friend that says "He's familiar with my weakness, devoted to the end." In other words, Jesus loves us even while we are still sinners!

In the James Taylor song, we hear "Winter, spring, summer or fall, all you have to do it call." Jesus is always there for us, all we have to do is call out his name, and he'll come running. He illustrates this for us in the prodigal son parable. The young man left his family, but as he returns home to ask forgiveness, his Father runs out to meet him, while he was still far away.

Just like that Bible story, Jesus is there to run out to meet us when we are far away. John 15:14, 15 states, "You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you." Winter, spring, summer or fall, all we have to do is call, and He'll be there. We've got a friend!

Musical Musings:
1. How do you feel differently thinking about Jesus as a friend, versus as a judge? Why is friend more likely to give us a second chance?
2. Think of all the qualities of a best friend. Realize that Jesus loves you more than any human friend could.
3. Do you believe Jesus is always just a "call" away? Why or why not?

Karaoke:
Dear Lord - thank you for being my friend! Thank you for knowing me, and for loving me in spite of everything you know. Help me to be a better friend to my friends and to let them see you through me. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Rock on:
Read the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32.

You've Got a Friend video:

The Language of Love & Respect - Book Review

The Language of Love & Respect is the sequel to Dr. Emerson Eggerichs best-selling book Love & Respect. I had never read Love & Respect, but had heard wonderful things about it, so when I got the chance to get a free copy of this book in exchange for a review I jumped at it.

Unfortunately, I didn't enjoy the book. In my opinion, the book read like a text book. It wasn't something that would be an enjoyable read, but something that requires study. The use of acronyms was overkill. First there was C-O-U-P-L-E, then C-H-A-I-R-S. Next we had to learn about how COUPLE and CHAIRS get you out the Crazy Cycle and into the Energizing Cycle.

These acronyms and "codes," that most will never remember, were too complicated to be very useful. The writing was lackluster, and did not hold my attention. While I'm sure there is benefit to be found in the book, I think you'd have to dig deep and focus hard to find it.

If you're looking for a deep study book on marriage communication, this may be the book for you. But unfortunately, it was not the book for me.

Safe Boundaries

My children know the boundaries in our backyard. We live on a lake. Our lawn goes down to wetland vegetation. The vegetation is low so that we can still see the lake and enjoy the view, however you cannot get thought the vegetation to the lake. It's too thick.

To get to the lake, you have to take the path. My children know they are allowed to go to the edge of the grass, but they may not go down the path to the lake without an adult. These "safe boundaries" keep them from the chance of drowning.

What about in our daily lives? Are we living within safe boundaries to protect us? Safe boundaries can not only protect our children, but us as adults too.

Join me over at Titus 2 in Action today, to learn to have Safe Boundaries in your marriage.

You Give Love a Bad Name

Shot through the heart, and you're to blame.
Darling, you give love a bad name.
You Give Love a Bad Name, Bon Jovi, 1986

God is love. Many people don't know or experience God in their every day lives. It is up to us, as Christians, to show them love and thereby they see God. The problem is, as Christians we screw it up. Then, we're to blame. We give Love a bad name. We give God a bad name.

One of my friends from elementary school recently shared on his Facebook status that while he was riding his bicycle, a "Christian" man tried to slip him a religious pamphlet (tract). Now why would anyone try to hand something to a guy on a bike is beyond me, but anyway, my friend didn't accept it but pedalled on. As he did, the man's 6 or 7 year old son yelled to my biker friend, "Sinner! You're going to hell!"

Now really, did that man and his son exemplify God's love with that interaction? I don't know if my childhood friend is a Christian or not. But if not, that interaction didn't bring him one step closer to knowing the love of Jesus. Actually, just the opposite.

The problem with Christianity is Christians. And I should know! Because I screw it up daily. I'm self-centered. I want my own way. Last week I inadvertently offended two different friends by poor word choices...and I'm supposed to be a writer! I should use words better. If people are looking at me to see God, to see love - I give Love a bad name!

What I hope is that people can see Jesus in spite of me. They can see my screwed up mess, and see that I still have hope and joy because of God's love! God is a God of love and mercy. I am sinner, just like that man's son yelled. "Sinner!" And so are that man, his son, my friend, and you.

But if we know Love, even though we sometimes give Love a bad name, He promises Heaven. And I believe He'll deliver.

Don't Be A Fixer

"He laughed at me," my six year old daughter cried as she approached me from the pool. I asked what happened. "I jumped in the pool backwards, and the lifeguard said not to do it again. Then he said 'You got in trouble!' and laughed at me."

Trying to lessen the blow of the boy's words I said, "Well, who cares what he says?" She looked at me with big soulful eyes, trying not to cry and said, "I do!" I pulled her close and told her how sorry I was for his hurtful words.

I messed up. I was trying to negate the hurt she was feeling, trying to make her feel better. What she needed was for me to validate her hurt. Tell her, yes, that words do hurt and it's okay to feel pain. I messed up, but hopefully I got on the right track after she was so articulate in conveying how she felt.

I was reminded of the time when I was talking with a friend before I gave my testimony about my childhood at church. "I'm afraid I'm going to cry," I said. "I cried when I read it," was the friend's response. No assurances I wouldn't cry. No platitudes that I'd be fine or everything would be okay. Just validating me that if I cried, there was in fact reason to cry.

Jesus provides a wonderful example of validation in the story of Lazarus' death found in John 11. As Jesus and his disciples headed to Judea, He told them that Lazarus had died, and that Jesus was going to raise him from the dead. When they arrived and Jesus saw how upset Mary and the family were over Lazarus death, He didn't say, "Stop crying! I'm going to raise him from the dead." He didn't say, "Everything will be okay, wait and see!" No, the Bible tells us Jesus wept. Jesus wept! That is the picture of validating their feelings! He wept with them, even knowing that Lazarus would be raised in a moment.

Is someone telling you how upset they are today? Why not validate their feelings instead of trying to fix them? Sometimes, we don't want someone to fix us. We just want someone to listen to us, to validate us, and maybe, even, to weep with us. Be that someone, like Jesus, today.

I Am, I Said

"I am," I cried. "I am," said I.
And I am lost, and I can't even say why
Leavin' me lonely still.
I Am...I Said, Neil Diamond, 1971

I am lost, and I can't even say why, leaving me lonely still. Neil Diamond's 1971 hit can describe the way life feels sometimes. We are lost. We don't know why, except that we all are sinners, lost and lonely. The song continues, "But I got an emptiness deep inside, And I've tried, but it won't let me go."

Do you have an emptiness inside? There is one who can help to fill it. "'I am' I said." I AM. Do you know who THE I AM is? When Moses was sent by God to go to the Pharaoh to let the Israelites go, Moses asked whom he should say sent him. God answered, I am who I am . This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.' "

"I AM," He said. So that we don't have to be lonely still.

In John 18, when the soldiers came to arrest Jesus to crucify him, He asked them who they were looking for. They answered, "Jesus of Nazareth." Jesus responded, "I AM he." The Bible says, "When Jesus said, "I AM he," they drew back and fell to the ground." Why do you think they fell to the ground? They came to arrest Jesus and he said he was Jesus. Why would that cause them to fall?

Have you considered that when Jesus responded, "I AM," that he was telling him that he was THE I AM. Saying He was God, which caused them to fall to the ground in fear and shock. It's something to consider. Jesus has seven self-descriptions he introduced by "I AM." In 8:58, he states, "Before Abraham was born, I am!" Notice, he didn't say, I was, but I AM!

Are you feeling lost, lonely or empty, consider the words of God. "I AM." He is the one who is, who was, and who is to come.

Musical Musings:
1. When you are down, does it make you feel better to know that God, the I AM is always there? He always is. Why or why not?
2. Jesus declared that he too was I AM. And he experienced everything we do; hurt, rejection, pain and suffering. Knowing that our God, I AM, experienced this things as incarnate man, does that make you better able to relate to him?
3. If you don't know who he is, spend some time with I AM today in prayer. Ask him to show himself to you.

Karaoke:
Lord, you are the I AM. You are the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Thank you for always being there. Fill me with your presence, so I will know you are there, even in the hard times. Help me believe you are, forever and ever. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Rock on:
Research all the times that Jesus made an "I AM" statement in the Bible. Try Biblegateway, or google it. What are the different statements and how did Jesus use them to expand on who He is as God?