Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galations1:10
This weekend I spoke at a women's retreat for my home church. Being vulnerable at a speaking engagement is easy when you know you never have to see the ladies again. But being vulnerable before your home church is a little bit harder. These are the ladies who you'll see again and again, who you want to love and respect you. Yet, I knew God was calling me to be share my story, warts and all.
I shared with them my struggles with perfectionism, and being "good enough" but failing. I told them of the grace God showers on me and my failures; grace that I often cannot give to myself.
The retreat could not have gone better, in my opinion. Because I knew I was being obedient to God in sharing my story, I felt confident! (or more accurately God-fident!) After the retreat, I handed out surveys to get feedback from the ladies. Later today, I plan on going through them.
I want to know what the ladies felt, if they feel it went as well as I did. I want the helpful critiques of ways I can improve. However, I also want to maintain my "God-fidence." I know that I walked in faith and did what God wanted. The fact that I felt no anxiety (the first time ever in my speaking) when I should have been filled with anxiety (because it was my home church) showed me that God was there.
Feedback is important to improve my speaking. And already I saw a very helpful critique as I collected the forms. I want to honor those who were brave enough to "speak the truth in love.*" But regardless of the critiques I receive, I want to rest in the God-fidence that I was obedient, and God is pleased. It's a balance, and for me sometimes a hard one. Seeking approval from God alone, when I so desperately want the world to tell me I am "good enough."
So before I look at the feedback forms, I want to make sure that I will not be crushed by criticism, or filled by approval, but simply look to improve my craft of speaking.
God already redeemed me. I don't need feedback forms to do it.
Reflection Question: Are you looking for worldly approval or God's? How do you balance accepting the "truth spoken in love*" but still maintaining your worth as a child of God?
2 comments:
I am so impressed that you gave out feedback forms.
And I'm so happy the retreat went so very well!
I agree with you that being open is more difficult in your own hometown or home church or home.
I will not be crushed by criticism, or filled by approval, but simply look to improve my craft of speaking.
God already redeemed me. I don't need feedback forms to do it.
Well, Kelly - I had to lift this quote of yours to use in my altered art journal I'm making detailing this amazing pruning adventure the Lord has had me walking this year. What will come of it, I don't know - if you're curious at all, e-mail me for details. A journey, to be sure.
Also - isn't it great when you can stand before an audience completely at rest in the Lord knowing that it is He who will do all the speaking . . .
Joy!
Kathy
Post a Comment